i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
