in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
