how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
