When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize