What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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