It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
