can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
