You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
