I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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