You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
