apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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