As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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