Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
