I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
