I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
