i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
