saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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