i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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