The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize