More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize