I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
