why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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