He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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