Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
