So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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