your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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