You really coming over, don't trick.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
