That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
