I wish you could order shots online.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
