you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
3 2 1 whiskey
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize