got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
