How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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