Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize