Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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