so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
