so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
