Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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