is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
