How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
