my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
