My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize