this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
