My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
