I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
