When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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