weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
