if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
