Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize