a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
