I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
