I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
