I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
