he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
