why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
