he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
