um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize