Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
