Your tits are I can't wait for
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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