Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
